FF7 - Wonderland Variations
by talinsquall
Summary: White Bunny Cloud bags a King. Cid houses a Hare. White Knight Zack vanquishes the Jabberwock. Rufus/Cloud, Cid/Vincent, Zack/Sephiroth, Tseng/Aerith. AU, OOC, Non-Canon, Homosexuality, Heterosexuality, Swearing, Mpreg, Preg


A/N: A done-to-death premise, yet I hiked down the path anyway.

Fandom: Final Fantasy 7

Summary: White Bunny Cloud bags a King. Cid houses a Hare. White Knight Zack vanquishes the Jabberwock.

Pairings: Rufus/Cloud, Cid/Vincent, Zack/Sephiroth

Warnings: AU, OOC, Non-Canon, Homosexuality, Swearing, Mpreg (Vincent is Sephiroth's Father in my head canon.)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fan fiction. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters may be composites, or entirely fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

XXX

 **FF7 - Wonderland Variations**

(The Red King's Court)

Cloud tugged on a snowy ear. "Reno? I don't know…"

Reno grinned a faithful cheshire cat smile. "Relax, Spiky. You have your Mama's golden recommendation to back you up and Zack's pep talk warming your ears. The King's gonna love you, yo."

The White Rabbit mentally ordered his heart to slow down and returned his friend's smile. "You're right, Reno. I'm worrying about nothing."

Rufus whined as Tseng plucked the goblet from his fingers. "But I'm not drunk enough yet."

The Ace of Cards cleared his throat. "The new herald has arrived. Please don't shoot him."

The Red King rearranged his various shotguns just in case. "What happened to my old herald, Abigail? Did I shoot her? I hope not. She gives warm hugs when I'm hungover."

Tseng sighed. "No, Sir. We had her retirement party two days ago. You passed out onto her cake while she was cutting it. This is her son, Cloud. Be nice to him and he might hug you too."

Rufus raised dull eyes to view his glorious future in apprehensive bunny form.

Cloud squealed as he was hauled up and bounced around in front of the whole court. "Y-y-y-our majesty! Please control yourself!"

Rufus ripped Cloud's white shirt up and snuffled a quivering belly button. "Bunny smells like vanilla! I bet he has a whipped cream filling! Let's lift his little cottontail and find out!"

Reno stole the terrified white rabbit away as Tseng wrestled the lusty King back to his throne.

The Ace placed a hand on the King's excited shoulder. "There are cases to be heard, Sir. When your daily duties are finished, you may play with your bunny as much as you like."

Rufus sulked. "He'll run away. Bunny knows I'll break him."

Cloud stood his ground with Reno's support. "I'm not going anywhere, Your Majesty. I am the Red Court's Herald as my mother was before me. I will conduct my duties to the best of my abilities."

The King massaged his throne's armrest. "You certainly will, Baby Bunny."

Cloud searched for a convenient place to hide when a name and station appeared in his mind. He announced them clearly to the Court. "Biggs Wedge, Knave of Hearts, is accused of stealing the King's Tart Wine."

Rufus exhaled at the volume. "Such big lungs. Oh, the sounds I'm going to get out of you."

Tseng pinched an arm. "The prisoner, Sir."

Rufus waved a hand. "How do you plead?"

The prisoner fell to his knees. "Pleeeease have mercy, Your Majesty! You drink from sunrise to sunset. I assumed you would not miss one little bottle. In my defence, I took the wine from the old Herald's farewell gift basket. It's not like she would drink it. The old lady's a teetotaler. A true drag on the court's revelries, Sir. Your court is better off without her."

Rufus's attention was diverted by his bunny's indrawn breath.

Cloud's azure eyes brimmed with tears as Reno patted his shoulder.

The Red King snapped his fingers. "Enough! You have stolen from us. More importantly, you have slandered my future mother-in-law and upset my fiance to tears. Your sentence is death."

Rude and Elena appeared from nowhere and cleaved the prisoner's head from his body with their hand axes.

Cloud gulped as the head rolled in his direction to rest at his feet. The blank eyes stared to the sky.

The herald's quick descent to the floor was halted by Rufus's sturdy arms.

The King glared up to a concerned Reno for answers. "Wonderland is not a children's playground. Why has my bunny fainted from the sight of one bloody head?"

The Cheshire Cat rubbed the back of his neck. "Abigail's not just a teetotaler. She's a very protective mama bunny. Tweedledee and Tweedledum used to bully Cloud until one day it wasn't just bullying. My friend would never say what happened but Mama Strife allowed him to study from their burrow until she retired. Your court is meant to be his new safe place. Congratulations, Sir."

Rufus caressed Cloud's pale face. "Oh little one, I have already failed you so much."

Tseng nudged his King to action. "Since you announced your two minute engagement to the whole court, you should find your fiance a more comfortable place to rest, Sir."

Rufus grunted as he hauled up the slight form. "Tseng, you're my Ace of Cards, but you married the White Queen last year. Why aren't you at the White Court nagging her, Consort?"

Tseng picked up Cloud's gold watch from the floor. "Aerith and I agree on what makes a marriage happily ever after. Working together all day is not it."

A half hour later, a mortified still-clothed Cloud awoke on a sumptuous bed. "I think I embarrassed myself enough today. I'll find Reno and go home. Mama will understand."

The sound of a pocket watch cover clicking shut filled the room. "Oh no, my Herald. You do not get to escape from your King so easily. If you wish to visit your Mama, Reno shall take you to the burrow, then return your sweet body back to me."

The White Rabbit half-hid his blushing face in the pillows. "Mama warned me about the Red Court's proceedings, but I thought she exaggerated most of it. I realize now she softened most of her stories. I am afraid I have no place here, Your Majesty."

Rufus gathered his bunny up and perched him on the royal lap. "Do not be so hard on yourself. It was your first day. When a life-and-death situation arises, Tseng shall give a signal for you to cover your eyes. If you refuse, a Card shall cover them for you. Do not give me that scrumptious dirty look. If I'm going to traumatise you, it shall be with my extraordinary sexual skills, not my daily court antics. You promised not to run away from me, Cloud. Don't break my heart now."

Cloud nestled against a toned chest. "I don't understand you. You never take anything seriously. Were you joking about me being your fiance too?"

The White Rabbit's forehead wrinkled when Rufus held up his own left hand. "What's on my finger, Sir?"

The Red King licked an earlobe. "Your engagement ring, Bunny. I may be mostly drunk ninety-nine percent of the time, but I have never proposed on the spur of the moment."

Cloud twirled the ring with a frown. "I haven't said yes, Your Majesty."

Rufus sing-songed his reply. "Like it matters."

Cloud glared deeper at the huge jewel. "This has a tracking spell. Doesn't it?"

The King laughed as his bunny was bounced on his lap. "Of course it does. I'm sure to do something stupid to make my bunny run. It makes catching you so much easier."

Alarmed, Cloud wrestled with his finger. "It won't come off! Our first meeting was today and you really want to marry me? You don't even know me! How crazy are you?"

Rufus hugged his White Rabbit tight. "Crazy enough to recognize the love of my life when I meet him. Just accept it, Cloud. You'll love being the Royal Consort. Think of all the peons you'll be helping by reminding me they exist."

Cloud softly punched Rufus's cheek. "Is this a challenge? I have spent most of my years as a peon and I would know better what improvements need to be made for our people."

The Red King snuggled his bunny. "Good luck with that. Tseng will love the extra busy work. I'll be sitting on the other throne sleeping."

The Herald finally relaxed in his King's embrace. "Your father was a monster, but you need not follow his path, King Rufus. I will accept your marriage proposal and do my best to steer you in the right direction. Don't make me regret it."

XXX

(The Mad Hatter's Residence)

Cid unlatched his heavy front door and swung it open. "State yer business! Ah got shit to do and coin to make."

The petite brown-haired Dormouse petted her companion's trembling arm. "Do you hammer all day, every day, or will we at least get a break at night?"

The hatter tipped his top hat back. "Nah. Ah hammer all night and bang on mah huge drum. Whut's it to ya?"

The Dormouse hugged her friend. "It's alright, Vincent. We'll find another place to live. Somewhere far away from this rude asshole."

The wraithlike figure, with alert ebony hare ears, raised his flawless face and twitched a pert nose. "We can't, Yuffie. I told Sephiroth I would be here. My baby will be so sad when he visits and I'm not here."

Cid cleared his throat. "Scuse me. Rude asshole here. Whut the fuck's going on?"

Yuffie propped up a faltering Vincent. "We're your new neighbors. Vincent's old partner Veld said we could stay at his house since he's living with his daughter. Vincent's son lives on an island, and the climate isn't good for his father, physically or mentally. It was a perfect setup, except for you and your hammering."

Once he got the gist, the Hatter ignored the yabbering gnat and caressed a wan cheek. "Tell me true, Sweetheart. Ah'm listening."

The March Hare rested his fevered face against a scarred hand. "I merely wish to rest in a safe place between my child's visits. I do not mind the noise. It is the loneliness in my heart which aches me so."

Cid's sky-blue eyes ran up-and-down his new neighbor's lissome form. His decision was quick and final.

Yuffie waved her arms as her charge was picked up and cradled gently by the frowning man. "What the hell! You have no idea of Vincent's mental condition. Paranoia is his natural state! He'll kill you in your sleep! Knives are his favorite friends!"

Cid kissed a sweaty brow. "Sounds like a regular marriage. Ah never thought Ah'd get married. Thanks fer bringin' mah husband to me. Real convenient."

Yuffie clutched her growling stomach. "What about food? We haven't eaten since we left the island."

Cid laid his intended on a comfy couch. "Ya got good timin' too. We have afternoon tea every day. Finger sandwiches, little cakes, and the works. Ya don't have to set it up. The table outside is enchanted. Ah won it from the previous Red King in a chess game. Blowhard couldn't play fer shit."

Yuffie scurried over to the window overlooking the backyard. She whooped with joy and clapped her hands. "This beats the island any day!"

The hatter caressed his hare. "Mah last name is Highwind. Ah make hats fer a living. They call me mad 'cause Ah have the audacity to treat everyone the same. Ah'm talkin' a big game, but Ah can wait if yer not sure about me. You and Yuffie could bunk down here while Ah sleep in mah work area. Ah dreamed about you. Ah thought you were a demon out to seduce my soul. Ah'm willin' to give it to ya, along with mah heart, if you'll have it."

The long-locked hare ran naughty hands up-and-down his hatter's fit form. "My last name is Valentine. I dreamed about you too. I'm so glad you're real. You most certainly will not leave me alone to sleep with your hats. If I have any hope of getting better, I must have a reliable heat source at night. I shall be happy to keep your heart safe."

Cid smiled as his fingers were kissed. "So whut's mah new stepson's name? Ah'd like to get on his good side as quick as Ah can."

Vincent slid his hands down muscular arms. "The name I gave him at birth is Sephiroth Valentine. He was once the esteemed Knight of All Realms. The citizens of Wonderland now call him The Jabberwock."

Cid's hands stilled their exploration. "Beggin' yer pardon, but the existin' reports paint a really butt-ugly picture. Is he a huge black winged lizard with a mouthful of sharp teeth?"

Vincent spluttered and shoved at his hatter's chest. "Of course not! Sephiroth is my mirror image but he has silver hair and emerald eyes. The false reports were spread by his fellow Knights so he may live his solitude in peace."

Cid calmed pushing hands. "So he's pretty like his daddy. Good to know. There's no way Sephiroth will be mistaken fer the dreaded Jabberwock when he visits his family."

Vincent pouted his lips and received a sound kiss for his unconscious effort. "Cid, I'm hungry."

Yuffie popped upside-down from the ceiling. "A miracle! Vincent's neeeeeveeer hungry."

Cid rose up with his beautiful mate in his arms. "It's a day full of miracles. Let's eat."

XXX

(The Island of the Jabberwock)

Zack, The White Knight, held the pommel of his sword against his brow. "Embrace your dreams. And whatever happens, protect your honor as a Knight."

The Red Knight, Angeal, clapped his protege on the back. "Make sure you sneak up on the evil villain. The Jabberwock loves to be snuck up on during his afternoon nap."

A threatening rustle came from the high tree branches. "The Jabberwock also hates when someone delivers his tarts late."

Angeal jiggled a bag in the trees' direction. "Be thankful I was able to get these. The sparse berry crops have raised the prices sky-high. Oh! I almost forgot. Seph, let Zack kill you so he can receive a shiny medal from the King and make his parents proud."

The branches shook with laughter. "This pup? What makes you think he could ever best me?"

Angeal checked the points. "First of all, Zack was born on the night of the rare blue moon. Second of all, he spent a week with the Mock Turtle and Gryphon without tearing his ears off. Third of all, he's a virgin."

Zack crumpled from his fighting stance. "Angeeeeeal! That was a super secret I'm working on. Once I vanquish the Jabberwock, the girls will flock to my White Knightness. I'll find a good girl to bring home to Ma and Pa."

Angeal good-naturedly punched Zack's shoulder. "That's the spirit! Use the power of your pathetic lonely life to vanquish your disgustingly ugly foe."

Zack bolstered himself up to attack when his heroic charge was cut short.

An ethereal silver angel, wearing the thinnest of black leather breeches, and thigh-high black boots, floated from the trees to the ground. "Give me my tarts and go away. Take your spastic virgin with you."

The flummoxed White Knight rudely pointed with his Buster Sword at the heavenly creature in front of him. "You're the dreaded Jabberwock? Where's the mouthful of spiky teeth and spews of deadly acid?"

The Angel ripped the bag of tarts from the guffawing Red Knight's hand. "You'll get spewing acid in your face if you don't get off my island. I have no room in my napping schedule for heroic virgins trying to kill me."

Zack hastily clapped the sword to his back magnet and waved his hands. "Hey, this was all a big misunderstanding! I just need a heroic deed to receive my merit from the King. I was going to take on the Unicorn and the Lion again, but Angeal convinced me to come here instead."

Angeal made a grab for the tart bag. "I'm saving you the tummy-ache. Each time you fight them, you eat yourself sick on white bread, brown bread, and plum-cake. In the end, you fall asleep and forget to finish them off."

The White Knight toed the ground. "Fighting makes me hungry and plum-cake is yummy-yum."

Zack stared as The Jabberwock tore into a defenseless pastry. "Who are you really, Angel?"

Angeal stole a tart from his best friend's bag. "You are in the presence of Sephiroth, former Knight of All Realms. If not for the great wrong to his father, he would still be serving by our side."

The White Knight brushed down a bare arm. "What happened?"

Sephiroth chewed and swallowed before replying. "My father was kidnapped by the Caterpillar, Hojo, for his sadistic experiments. The realms which I had served faithfully all my life would not raise a finger to save him. With the help of my fellow Knights, against orders, I was able to retrieve my father before his mind was irreparably broken. For this, I was stripped of my rank and station. My response was to rampage through the land. My father halted my fury, and spirited me away to this island, prior to my lifelong friends having to put me down like a mad dog."

Zack looked around. "You live here alone? Where's your house."

Sephiroth's chewing slowed before he shrugged. "Who needs a house? My father has returned to the mainland and is happily married. As long as he is content, so am I."

Zack thrust his Buster Sword into the ground and leaned on it. "Bulltoodles! This is no way for the Knight of All Realms to live. You should have a castle and bunch of servants waiting on you hand-and-foot. I'd be happy to do it."

Sephiroth nibbled on another tart as his emerald eyes surveyed Zack's heroic glowing beauty. "Angeal, you're a conniving jackass and I want no part of this."

Angeal had settled on a log and slapped his knee with a laugh. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I am merely helping my protege along. If my best friend, the dreaded Jabberwock, gets an adoring husband and family along the way, all the better for Wonderland."

Zack's periwinkle eyes brimmed with confusion. "What are you guys talking about? I'm just thinking, since I have some free time, I'll build Sephiroth a sturdy home and keep him company for a spell. We can be best buddies."

Sephiroth spat out an errant seed. "Best buddies who have sex, no doubt."

Zack couldn't help but blush. "Heck, I'm not good enough for you, Angel. I may be country, but I'm not blind and stupid. I'll get the house built, then leave you be. I'll find another way to get my medal."

Sephiroth tossed the empty bag to Angeal and yanked Zack into his arms. "Silly puppy. Who allowed you to be a Knight? You can hardly put one foot in front of the other. Come along. We'll get rid of your annoying virginity before my afternoon nap, then you can start on our house."

Zack relaxed against the toned form with a grin. "Okay. I'm not sure what's happening here, but I'm okay with it."

Angeal shook the Knight's shoulder. "Congratulations, Zack. You have soundly defeated the Jabberwock. Reno will be appearing sometime this week with your medal from the King."

Zack pulled a breath away from Sephiroth's soft lips. "I did? How the hell did I defeat him?"

The Red Knight placed his helm on his head. "Sephiroth! Will you be rampaging any time soon with a family to take care of and fresh tart shipments every week?"

Sephiroth nuzzled his Zack. "I could rampage around the babies' schedule, but not if fresh weekly tarts are included in the deal. Yes, I do believe I am vanquished."

Zack barely registered Angeal's leaving as Sephiroth taught him to kiss properly. "Damn, this beats plum-cake any day."

The Jabberwock stroked his White Knight's taut muscles. "This is merely the beginning, Puppy. There is not much to do on this island. I fear you shall have to spend the time making love to me when not building our home. I hope you have the stamina for it."

Zack brought his Angel to the beach floor and lavished kisses down a long throat. "Bring it on! Heroic deeds are my specialty and this is the best one yet!"

XXX

(The Red King's Court)

Cloud glanced uncertainly at the vial in his hand. "Are you sure, Lady Scarlet? I thought the Cheshire Cat was the only messenger allowed to deliver to Hojo the Caterpillar. I am merely the Herald. I should stay here in case the King needs me."

The courtier brushed the White Rabbit's shoulder. "Reno has already been sent on his daily errands. There is no need to fear the Caterpillar. He's a harmless old fogie. As for the King, don't make yourself more important than you are, Bunny. King Rufus notices you when you're useful to him. Other than that, he probably can't even remember your name."

As the Herald pocketed the vial, he gasped as Lady Scarlet removed his secret engagement ring from his finger. "How could you remove it, Ma'am? I've tried everything."

The Lady laughed and tossed the ring in her hand. "This ring's power is only as strong as the giver's feelings for the receiver. It also helps when the giver can remember who you are."

Cloud stepped back and swallowed his tears. "Understood, milady. I will take my leave."

Heidegger sidled up to the simpering Lady Scarlet. "So that's what you needed the masking spell for. What damage have you wrought with it?"

Scarlet's smiled widened with satisfaction. "Oh, I just rid myself of the competition."

XXX

(Caterpillar's Garden)

A timid Cloud ventured around the Caterpillar's mushroom. "Hojo, Sir? I have a delivery for you from the Red King."

The White Rabbit yipped, then fell over, as a dart embedded itself deep into his back.

Hojo slithered into Cloud's hazy view. "It's about time I received a replacement for my March Hare. Oh this won't do. You're as fragile as glass. I'll begin with your bearing capabilities and work from there."

Two heart-wrenching days later, Zack cradled the traumatized bunny as Sephiroth cut Hojo to pieces. "Stay with me, Spiky. We'll get you back to King Rufus and you'll be safe again."

Cloud's bloodshot eyes overflowed with tears. "Why bother? He can't even remember my name."

Zack swore, and stood up, while Sephiroth set the Caterpillar's remains on fire. "Rufus has torn Wonderland apart from both sides of the mirror to find you. All he's been saying is your name."

The White Rabbit clung to his best friend. "I wanna go home. Take me to my mama please."

The White Knight motioned in the Cheshire Cat's direction. "Sure thing, Spiky. Reno will take you home. I'm going to get Queen Aerith. She'll fix you right up."

Reno held on to the trembling bunny. "We're on our way, Cloud. You're safe."

XXX

(Cloud's Mother's Burrow)

The milling audience bowed en masse when Aerith, the White Queen exited the burrow.

Rufus, the Red King, stepped forward. "How fares my bunny?"

Aerith clasped the King's hands with a serene smile. "There was not much physical damage to heal. Apparently, Hojo found Cloud too fragile to torture as he did Vincent in the past. As for his mental state, Cloud has accepted my weekly invitation to visit my court. I believe his visits shall do both of us good."

Rufus attempted to step back when Aerith's grip tightened. "Is there more to tell?"

The White Queen beamed over to a somber Jabberwock. "Sephiroth, how fares your father, Vincent?"

The former Knight of All Realms allowed a tiny smile to flit across his face. "Father is well, considering his condition. In two months, he and the Hatter shall be the proud parents of triplets. Our family is truly blessed."

Aerith's attention returned to an apprehensive Rufus. "Hojo had a certain breeding kink with all his experiments. As you heard, the technique is perfected. Most of the time the change was unwelcome. In this instance, Cloud is ecstatic at the prospect, but terrified of your reaction. Tell me, Red King, does my childhood friend have reason for his fear?"

Rufus kissed the White Queen's hand. "None at all. Rest assured, I shall set my fiance straight. Please sit down, My Lady. If you remain on your feet a moment longer, Tseng shall have another stroke."

Aerith swayed over to the nervous Ace of Cards. She patted the small swell of her belly. "Calm, Husband. We are fine."

Tseng embraced his Queen. "I am calm. I've only had two heart attacks today. A new record."

White Knight Zack ran a hand down Sephiroth's arm. "Angel, I'm confused."

Sephiroth smooched his hero. "Of course you are, Puppy. What is it?"

Zack hugged his Jabberwock. "I thought your bearing capability was hereditary, but your father received it from Hojo. How did you get the ability?"

Sephiroth cuddled his Knight. "When I was first designated Knight of All Realms, I was to receive a gift from each noble for my service. Queen Aerith was the first to bestow her bounty on me. After her unwished for magical surprise, I asked the rest of the royals to give their gifts to my future children. I shudder to think what the Duchess was going to curse me with."

Zack snuggled closer. "This doesn't make sense. Queen Aerith isn't a meanie. Why did she do that to you if you didn't want it?"

The Jabberwock caressed his love. "The White Queen told me a Puppy was going to enter my life and make me the happiest Knight in Wonderland."

Zack licked a collarbone. "How am I doing, Angel?"

Sephiroth kissed Zack's temple. "I'll let you know after our baby is born in a few months."

The crowd turned when Zack fainted to the forest floor.

King Rufus raised his everpresent goblet. "Well, that's one way to defeat a Knight. Cheers to you, dreaded Jabberwock."

xxx

(Next Morning)

Rufus awoke laying next to a cringing White Rabbit. "Do not fear me, Cloud. I would cut off my arms before hurting you."

Cloud shook his head. "That's not it. I'm filthy. Hojo touched me in all the places I wanted to be yours. I'm disgusting and unworthy of being near you. Mama agreed to take my place at court until a replacement can be found. You should leave and forget about me."

The Red King bundled his bunny against his heart. "Nonsense. The only filthy person in this burrow is me and it took years of hard work to earn my filth. My Cards have cleared my court of all usurpers. I dispatched Lady Scarlet myself. Your safety is absolute since you shall never leave my side again, except for your weekly visits to Queen Aerith. You will then travel with Tseng and Reno."

Cloud seemed to mentally struggle with himself prior to pushing his King away and pulling off his nightgown. "You say this, but you haven't seen my scars. They're hideous."

Rufus kept his distance while Cloud positioned himself so his scars would be highlighted by the morning light. "Am I permitted to touch, Bunny?"

Cloud nodded with a resolute face. "The royal consort for the Red King should be as perfect as possible. I was far from perfect before Hojo. He made me into a freak."

Rufus kissed and licked along the Y-scar across Cloud's lower abdomen. "Hojo received his deserved punishment from Vincent's son. The Caterpillar was a true monster, but he granted my greatest wish prior to his demise. I shall forever be sorry for the torture and pain you suffered at his hands, but I cannot regret the happiness I felt when Queen Aerith informed me you would be able to bear my heirs."

The White Rabbit blushed from head-to-toe. "It's unnatural. I always knew you would have to have a legitimate heir with someone else. I was willing to remain by your side, regardless."

Rufus made sure to brush his lips against every scar and bruise. "Unnatural or not. Would you deny our child life if they grew in your belly?"

Cloud didn't think he could blush any harder. "No. I would cherish every moment our baby was inside me and protect them till the death."

The Red King traveled up to kiss petal-soft lips. His hands quick to place the missing engagement ring back on his bunny's finger. "Very well. I am glad we came to an agreement about our future family. Thank you for undressing yourself. It makes it so much easier to love you in the morning."

Cloud gasped as Rufus fondled his petite body. His thumb running over his much-missed ring. "Wait a moment, My King! My undressing was meant to disgust you!"

The Red King glanced down to his turgid erection after removing his pants. "I'm afraid your plan failed. Do you have some lotion around here?"

The White Rabbit's blush received a second coat of red. "The lotion won't be necessary, Sir. I sort of relaxed myself while you were sleeping."

Rufus groaned and cupped his crotch. "You played with yourself while I was sleeping? Are you trying to kill me? How can you be so cruel to your King?"

Cloud was able to smile a little. "I believed it was our last morning together. You're as beautiful as the sun to me, especially when you're asleep. If Hojo is to be in all my nightmares, I choose you to be in all my sweet dreams."

Rufus reclined next to his shy bunny. "And when you wake up, I will be there too."

The White Rabbit clutched on tight to his King and delivered tentative kisses. "Please touch me, Rufus. Make me feel loved, even if you don't mean it."

Rufus growled and laid his full weight on his bunny. "Damn Lady Scarlet, Hojo, and everyone else who made you doubt my feelings. I love you with all my heart and soul, Cloud. I will spend the rest of my life making sure you never doubt it again."

Cloud nibbled his love's lower lip. "I love you too, Rufus. You may enter me now."

The Red King playfully tugged a white ear before he did as he was bid. "Why thank you, Your Majesty."

XXX

(The Mad Hatter's Backyard)

The child named Alice juggled with three beautiful silver-haired newborn babies. "My name is not Mary Ann and I'm perfectly fond of tea!"

The March Hare, Vincent, woke up with a start. "Spoon!"

Cid, the Mad Hatter, added more sugar to his tea. "That's right, Baby! Spoon! Pardon mah husband, Mary Ann. He doesn't get much sleep with our young'uns. No excuse fer the Dormouse though. She sleeps twenty hours a day when she ain't eatin."

Yuffie toasted with a sopping cup of tea and a full mouth. "Twinkle, Twinkle little bat…"

Cid slammed his fist on the table. "Shut it, ya freeloader! Clean cup! Move down! Move down!"

Alice managed to wrangle the babes to the next chair over while Yuffie scootched a snoozing Vincent. "Mr. Hatter, sir. About the White Rabbit-"

Cid slammed his fist again. "It's better you stay out of it, Mary Ann. Cloud's pregnant with the Red King's heir and he's runnin' in circles 'cause Rufus did somethin' stupid. When the King catches up to his Rabbit, it ain't somethin' a little girl should see."

Alice muttered in her chair. "Males can have babies in Wonderland? Curiouser and curiouser."

The Hatter swore when White Knight Zack appeared hugging his best friend, the White Rabbit. "Why the fuck are you bringin' drama to mah backyard? Ah got impressionable babies here. Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down!"

Zack waited until the group moved one over to sit down. "Sorry, but Cloud's run everywhere else and he needs to feed the baby."

Alice stared wide-eyed at the pale White Rabbit. "Goodness! Are you truly with child? I am sure there is good advice to be learned here."

Cloud swallowed after stuffing down two tea cakes. "Yes, Mary Ann. When the King you love lies to your face, make sure he's wearing a condom with no holes in it."

Alice tilted her head. "What's a condom?"

Cloud paused then really looked at the little girl sitting next to him. "Wow. You're young. Forget what I said. I'm sure in the future you shall meet a nice and considerate gentleman who will never lie to you."

Vincent's head popped up and he pointed a finger at Cloud's nose. "Bullshit! Quit speaking of things that have never and will never exist! Support the babies' heads better, Mary Ann. What are we paying her for, Cid?"

Alice righted the babies with a frown. "I am not getting paid at all and my name is not Mary Ann!"

Zack sipped his tea. "No use yelling. Vincent fell asleep again. I hope Sephiroth takes to child-rearing better. Angel gets crabby without his five-hour daily nap."

Alice felt the tears of frustration rise in her eyes when a reassuring hand clasped her shoulder. She looked up with a relieved smile. "Oh Cheshire Cat! I was chasing the White Rabbit for hours, only to find out he was running to nowhere. I'm tired. I want to go home."

Reno patted the little girl's cheek. "It's been a long day for everyone. Give the babies to the Hatter and we'll be on our way, Mary Ann."

Alice pouted as she handed the children off. "You too, Chesh? My name is not Mary Ann."

Reno grinned as he transported the girl to Wonderland's entrance. "I know, Alice, but someone has to keep the shtick going, yo."

Cloud continued to cram his face with food. "You are a royal asshole. I'm not talking to you."

The Red King sat in Alice's vacated seat and rested his forehead on Cloud's shoulder. "We had our first time without protection and you were fine with it. What does it matter if our child's conception was not a manufacturer's accident?"

Cloud nudged Rufus away. "I had one request for you. One! We were supposed to wait a year before trying. A year for me to become healthier. Both physically and mentally. You swore you were on board with the plan. This isn't even about us. It's about our baby's life. Instead of having a normal pregnancy, I am having a high-risk one. I was already scared about having a child. Now I have to worry about losing him."

Rufus kissed his bunny's sugar-coated hand. "Tseng spoke with Aerith. You will be residing at her court until the child is born. Under the White Queen's daily care, our growing child will survive and thrive. I do not ask for your forgiveness today, but I shall wait for it in the future. If I should not bother, tell me now."

Cloud bit his lip. "I wish to hate you so much sometimes, but I can't. Whenever I think of leaving you forever, my heart cries from the pain. I cannot forgive you today, but I expect you to visit us when you can."

Rufus palmed his White Rabbit's face and kissed sweet lips. "I shall visit you two every day. Our child shall know my voice well before they arrive. I love you, Cloud."

Cloud returned his King's deep kiss. "I love you more, Rufus."

Cid slammed his tea cup down. "Is the drama done? Good! Clean cup! Clean cup! Move the fuck down!"

Zack pulled a bag out from somewhere. "Hey, Cid. Can I take this tray of tarts? Sephiroth's hankering for these things has tripled. I think our baby's gonna be just one big tart when he's born."

The Hatter rearranged his children. "Go ahead. Vince can't stand the shit."

Vincent's head rose and he peered around with sleepy crimson eyes. "Cup!"

Cid waved the triplets like pom-poms. "That's right, Baby! Cup!"

Cloud clutched Rufus's hand. "Rufus, if I become so addled after our child's birth-"

The Red King smooched his Herald. "Worry not, my love. My Cards are well versed in the care of muddled people. They will ensure you don't fall into the fountain in your sleep."

The Rabbit kissed his King's neck. "I always wondered about the fence around the fountain. I thought it was meant to keep the animals out."

Rufus bit down on a creamy knuckle. "It doesn't work. Take it from this animal. I fell in twice yesterday."


End file.
